Published in the October 2014 Shaumbra Magazine
To state the obvious: Most of us desire change, but when it arrives we tend to wonder what’s wrong because it’s not what we expected.
Well, I suppose it keeps life interesting.
I recently had the privilege of giving my first public speech at the Light Body Conference in Salzburg, Austria. It was a wonderful event with about 160 Shaumbra gathering to celebrate life, love and this crazy adventure we share. I loved being a part of it and was involved in everything from setting up the store tables to helping manage the ballroom, working with the production equipment and running the webcast. Needless to say it kept me going in all directions and there wasn’t much time to get nervous before my speech. But the weeks and months beforehand were a different story.
Like many of us, I’ve held back from standing up in front of people and sharing my truth. Maybe it had something to do with getting my head lopped off or tossed in a frozen river or being burnt to a crisp too many times, but whenever I had an opportunity to speak up I would be overcome with dread, a quavering voice and a suddenly vacant brain. It’s much more comfortable (and safe) in the background and that’s where I usually prefer to be. And yet, the feeling that part of my reason for being on earth is to document and report on our collective journey reminds me I cannot hide forever.
Determined to get over it, about two and a half years ago I joined Toastmasters, an international organization that supports people in becoming better communicators. Years ago during a Crimson Circle teacher training Toastmasters had been recommended to support the teaching experience, and the idea had always stuck with me. (I highly recommend it to anyone, teacher or not!) Driving to my first meeting with sweaty palms and pounding heart, voices were screaming in my head the whole way〝Stop! Don’t do this! You’re going to get us killed again!” Observing the cacophony inside, I knew it was a potent opportunity to invite home some exceedingly frightened aspects. Breathe it in…